#but at the same time I don't wanna pressure myself that much

[maenimalist]

thoughts

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

day one million and one of the struggle of whether to come out to my parents or not

[alexthebordercollie]

Ford's autism

K so I don't think I need to defend the interpretation Ford is on the spectrum. People make jokes about him being autistic all the time. We all see it. What I want to do here is sort of connect together some character details and examine them through the lense of my own autistic experiences.

I wanna start with his hands. It's an observation I've seen from multiple people that Ford is insecure about his hands and often hides them behind his back or in his pockets. And yeah, he is obviously insecure about them. He even mentions his six fingers at times when they aren't really relevant to anything. It just showcases the space this physical deviation of his takes up in his mind. And yes, it makes sense that he's insecure about them because he was bullied for them growing up. I want to add to this observation.

Ford would have been bullied regardless.

The problem was never really his hands. When you're on the spectrum people around you can tell that you're weird. Uncanny. Something is different and feels wrong about you to NT people, especially kids. They will pick any shallow superficial thing they can find as an excuse to bully you and justify the sense of revulsion they feel around you but can't articulate. If Ford had been born with normal hands they just would have made fun of him for something else, it would have been his glasses, or the movies he liked, or hell maybe some good old-fashioned antisemitism. Literally, any excuse they could find.

I know growing up I tried for years to change the things about me that I was made fun of for and it never made things any better. The bullying never stopped. "Fixing" things about myself didn't work because the thing that was actually "broken" was something fundamental to who I am. That realization as a kid was soul-crushing. That there was nothing I could do that would ever make me "normal", that would ever make people like me. I felt like an alien born on the wrong planet.

Ford continues to latch onto his hands as a sore spot because they're something simple and obvious he can point to as an excuse for why he's so outcast. He probably knows by this point that the hands aren't actually the problem. I'd argue this journal entry and his comment about "another failed social interaction" shows that he's aware his hands aren't actually the problem. But, it is a lot easier to fixate on those than to dwell directly on that sinking feeling that at the core of you're being you are fundamentally weird, wrong, unlovable. Ford's a genius. If his polydactyly bothered him that much he could have removed the extra digits. The hands aren't the problem, they're a symbol of a more fundamental kind of pain.

Looking at it through this context also makes the gloves Fiddleford gives him an extra sweet gift given what they represent. A kind of wholehearted acceptance of who Ford is and even a willingness to adapt to his unique needs just to show him love and affection. I think something that hurts me so much about their relationship is that Ford had someone who very clearly loved him as is and would have never wanted him to be someone or something else, and Ford was too stubborn to fully appreciate that.

The same is true of Stanely by the by. He never had a problem with his brother being weird. Another relationship with someone who loved Ford as is but who Ford took for granted. He needs these kinds of relationships in his life. People who embrace and accept him for the weirdo he is. He needs them desperately, which gets me to my next point.

Ford's ego. So it's also a common observation that Ford has a massive ego. He's kind of an ass, to put it mildly. But I have had someone in conversation frame it like the pressure to prove themselves was just on Stanley and Ford just spent his whole life being hyped up and told he was hot shit. This isn't true, or at least it's a flattening of his experiences.

Ford was praised for his genius. This is true. But his own father only gave a shit when said genius showed signs of netting material gains for the family. It only mattered cause Ford could be useful. Furthermore, this genius never netted him social acceptance from his peers growing up. He was still a bullied, weirdo, loser most of his childhood. Add that seeing Stanley kicked out would have drilled into Ford's head that if he couldn't make something out of himself his family wouldn't want him either. Stan was an unspoken threat of what this family does to failures.

Gonna bring up my own personal experiences again. Having set the stage for how it feels growing up on the spectrum. That feeling of alienness that you can't really explain. I loved to write and draw from a very young age. Moreover, as I got older I realized that when I drew, people were nice to me. The only time I got social acceptance was when people were admiring or praising me for my art. So I did it more and more, I devoted myself feverishly to my art. I loved it anyway and would have hyper-fixated on it regardless but the positive reinforcement turned art from something I loved to a need. I NEEDED to be an artist. I needed to be the best at my school. I needed all eyes on my work because it was the only way I could make friends. The only way I could prove that I had value. That I deserved a place in society.

I see that in Ford. I see his ego not as shallow narcissism but as an overwhelming need to prove his value as a person. To be loved and accepted and believing that no one will want him if he isn't brilliant. If he doesn't change the world. If he isn't useful. This is also why he couldn't bring himself to destroy his research even knowing it was the safest and most responsible option. Burning down everything he worked for would mean finally giving up on the fantasy of ever being accepted or valuable.

The sad thing is he's so single-mindedly fixated on this personal goal of proving his worth to the world that when people do come along that love him unconditionally he takes them for granted. These people are statistical anomalies in his life. Nice to have around, but not enough to fix the bigger problem. They aren't reflective of society at large. They aren't enough to prove that he, personally, is loveable. Just that on occasion he meets another weirdo. For a while it's nice. Like a campfire in a barren tundra. But he has to keep moving, he can't stay. Warmer lands are ahead if he can just get to them. If he can just keep moving.

This also is why Ford was so susceptible to Bill. Bill told Ford what he wanted to hear. That he was destined for greatness. That, the fundamental wrongness he felt all his life was something incredible other people just couldn't see. Bill promised Ford exactly what he wanted, but not what he actually needed. Ford never needed the world at large to accept him. He just needed a few good people.

I also think his chemistry with Bill was connected to his autistic experiences as well. Bill is literally an alien. There's no pressure to mask around him. To try and "act normal". Ford can just be himself with Bill and not have to think about it. And sure, he could be himself around Fiddleford, but Fidds is still human. The anxieties of human social expectations are still present. Like when Fidds get him a gift for the holidays and Ford feels a bit guilty that it didn't even occur to him to do the same. He doesn't have to think about these social nuances with Bill.

That said I'm sure Bill isn't what his world would have considered neurotypical anyway. Not that Ford would know that. But Bill was also a strange freak in his own society. Just as outcast, possibly more so. I think Bill sees a bit of his own experiences reflected in Ford. I think he relates to him on a level. Not that he would ever admit it outright due to his own ego. I think Bill's fixation on him after the breakup also stems from Ford rejecting the path that Bill chose for himself. Bill still lives with some sort of deeply repressed guilt for what he did. Imagine how validating it would have been to see someone else like him burn their own world to the ground for the same reasons Bill did. But no, Ford's a better man than him, and Bill can't stand it.

Ok, I don't know how to end this long-ass monologue so I'm gonna call it here I guess. I just wanted to spill some thoughts of mine about Ford as a character. If anyone else wants to add to this with other examinations of Ford's character through this lense go right ahead. I'm just saying as an autistic person myself I understand every choice Ford made. I could relate to why he did the things he did even if I know those were mistakes and even acknowledging that he's kind of an asshole. Ford is a strange man who makes an eerie amount of sense to me.

[nekomanager]

𝐓𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐓 ♡ BOKUTO KOUTARO

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒 ⋮ f!reader, size kink, praise, squirting, swimsuit, oral, overstimulation, unprotected sex, mirror sex ♡ for @ranscutedoll ♡ red room event

You stepped out of the bathrooom donning your blue swimsuit. It wasn't all too revealing, but your boo Koutaro immediately drooled at the sight of you. He gulped down the tightness of the spandex against your body. It was as if you're wearing a second skin.

"Damn! You're so fucking hot." He said as his eyes freely roamed your outline, gaze lasting longer on your chest and on the plump of your intimate area. The lips so inviting to be eaten.

He went near you and grabbed you by the waist. He was seated at the edge of the bed with you standing facing him. His hands massaged your ass and you shivered. "W-Wait..." you pleaded.

"I don't think I can. Can't help myself. I need to touch you." He breathed out. His hands sliding at the side of your thighs as he shifted his focus on your pussy.

"Mhmn~" You whimpered when his index finger traced the outline of your pussy against the swimsuit. Gosh, he's so thirsty. He wanna have a mouthful of you right then and there. So he did and buried his face against the fleshy lips in between your thighs. Hungrily, his tongue massaged you through the swimsuit like he's a starving beast. You held onto his shoulder maintaining your balance.

"Bokkun...mhmn aaaa..."

"Can't get enough you, ugh!" Getting impatient, he slid the material to the side to expose a part of your pussy and gain direct access. His tongue went right in and your hand flew over to your mouth to shyly cover your moans.

He slurped you hard like he was drowning in your juices. Fuck...you're so fucking tasty and you're getting him thirstier and thirstier. You began writhing and he noticed. He pouted. You can't come yet, he still ain't done with you.

He spun you around and seated you on his lap so you're back was resting against his strong chest. You're both facing the mirror now and he parted your legs wide open.

"H-Hey! Stop! That's embarassing!" You covered your face.

"What're you talking about! Can't you see how sexy you are? Look..." He tugged at the crotch of your swimsuit. Your pussy lips eating the fabric as he pulled it up and down, grazing your clit.

"Ohhh....aaahhh..." Your mouth parted both at the sensation and at the sight.

"Shit! I'm getting harder." He hissed as he increased the pressure and your hips began rocking against his hard-on. He felt you shiver again but it couldn't end just like this!

He freed his cock and held on to your thighs, lifting you up to position himself against your entrance. Right through the mirror, you watched as your tiny hole swallowed his huge rock hard shaft. His length and girth alone was enough to send you to your release and you trembled against his arms.

"Ohhh...you came already." He breathed out. "Don't worry..." He planted a quick kiss on your cheek. "I'll keep you coming some more."

Without any more words, he lifted you up and down against his cock as he met you with deep thrusts at the same time, snapping his hips hard.

Your head spiralled as you thought you're going crazy. It felt too much. Too good. You felt scared you're going to lose your mind.

"Fuck! Fuck! You're so fucking tight!" You fit him so snug just like the swimsuit against your banging body and he loved that. Fucking loved that he's stretching your little hole!

You held onto his wrists as he got control of your body. "I can't- I can't anymore...Wait-" You cried out about to lose yourself in bliss.

"We're not yet in the pool but you're already this wet." He said as you dripped. Your wetness sloshing as he went in and out of you. He released one of your thighs and flicked your throbbing clit.

The uncontrolloble tremors came crashing in and you came in surrender, squirting with his member still stuffed inside of you. "Aaaah....aaaah!" So gooood.

You were almost lifeless when he comfortably laid you on your stomach. Your vision was still hazy as you caught up with your breath when he hovered you and whispered, "I still didn't cum yet."

Your eyes widened as he penetrated you from behind. He gripped your hips firmly as he rammed against your used up pussy. But he could use you anytime. You completely lost it. You didn't care anymore and lost all inhibitions, ass pounding against him as hard as he was doing you. So goood. So fucking goood. You both drowned in ecstasy.

⏝︶︶⏝︶ ୨୧ ︶⏝︶︶⏝

© nekorei 2023 - All rights reserved. No work shall be reproduced, reposted, modified, translated in any form or by any means.

[sugar-petals]

I feel like dramatic classics get done dirty a lot of times. Most of the recommendations are always boring “tailered chic” styles, which would be good for certain work recommendations, but even in my job as an accountant, I don’t have to dress that formally. I don’t even dress for my type bc DCs always keep getting recommended the same boring stuff. I’m more of a casual/street style girly myself.

david kibbe would probably say, "if you can, my elegant dramatic classic lady... go all out... and if you're already an accountant... embody it!" (or something like that) what i would say, and i want to challenge the `what's appropriate for what´ dogma and kibbe recommendation pressure with it:

wanting to dress a way > having to dress a way.

if street style and casual are your thing, maintain it! DC elements can be infused into that. sharp shoulders, tone in tone, geometric shoes. not to mention vintage thrifts, it's a goldmine for gamines and classics. menswear thrifting is perfect for cool DC streetstyle.

also, remember that classic clothes look boring on every other type but classics — and in and of themselves, on the hanger, do feel like the same aesthetic over and over: unless one copies jackie o's actually interesting DC wardrobe. although the "US first lady" trope is... yeah. and who can realistically wear that daily. i prefer kibbe's new DC type epithet ("haute powerhouse"), it's a great name actually.

handy 2025 kibbe type name update chart:

soft gamine's new name is a little too much, soft natural is too limited to magazines here, "deco dynamo" sounds too hilarious for the intimidating dramatic, some new names are missing, but yeah. okay, the old names were more to the point, i can't be the only one? of course, kibbe's TR bias: still "femme fatale". it's the only name that didn't change 😂 i love it. snark aside:

diva/divo chic, spitfire, girl/guy next door, free spirit, dreamspinner, femme/homme fatale, those were right on the money. though, the new ones only settled in on reddit so far, i haven't seen the larger kibbesphere call FN the "nonchalant showstopper" (awkward wording). i hope we maintain the old version, i don't get why he rebranded it all with extra french words.

note how the names used to refer to chic aka style, now it's much more personal identity based. irresistable, belle, elegante, etc. interesting how he goes with the times. "tailored chic" actually gave a pragmatic impression how to dress DC, but at least now you know where the good ole 'DC = bespoke stereotype' comes from. which has its kernel of truth, but names always generalize.

refurbishing DC as a haute couture type is cool actually, which removes some of its office dust. so, the high fashion reference does elevate it to a new level beyond basic tailoring. yes... vaguely classist and aristocratic from kibbe. he always wanted classic and dramatic to be the superior expensive regal hyperfashion categories™ lmao, nothing new, but maybe dupes can help us regular degular kibbe practicioners, and the idea counts.

haute mode -> more options than typical bespoke!

(^to be fair, the movie is more about FG vs FN and literal sweatshops)

meanwhile: in my opinion, it's actually pure classic that is the most highly restricted category, as symmetry and simplicity "need to be maintained always", phew. i wouldn't wanna be a classic dresser myself. dramatic classic still has the benefit of stealing ideas from the dramatic type due to their undercurrent. i think that's where a more refreshing, edgy twist can enter.

chart source

[koolades-world]

omg no bc whoever requested the getting talked over thats me fr it happens so often 😭😭 but id like to add onto that and request smthng that happens to me a lot

imagine the brothers with an mc that feels like theyre an npc? i know this is a bad way of saying it but i dont know how else to describe it. what i mean is when it seems like none of your peers or friends really like you because when you talk, people reapond dryly or just straight up dont say anything or even act like they heard you and you have to repeat yourself multiple times just to be noticed and you just feel like the most forgettable person of the group

if you dont wanna write this like super specific prompt i get it no pressure

have a nice day :3

hello!! so glad you enjoyed the other thing I wrote that much that you requested an extension(? is that the right word???)! I just hope I don't repeat myself haha

super specific requests are my bread and butter honestly! helps me get a better idea of what you want and there hasn't been something I can't do yet

hope you enjoy <3

Mc who's treated like an NPC by others

Lucifer

at first, he's kind of part of the problem

the exchange program is just a chore to him, so he finds it easier to brush over things you say

but once he grows closer to you, he feels guilty for all the times he ever ignored you or made you repeat yourself

because of this, he finds himself hanging onto every word you say, and makes all those around him go silent when you're speaking

Mammon

he's another one who also doesn't take you that seriously at first

after he gets to know you, he acts as your voice for you if others refuse to listen

he refuses to let others trample you like that

he apologizes to you for them and eventually makes everyone forgive you themselves

Levi

he feels like he's in the same boat and relates to some level

sometimes, he also feels like he's forgotten by everyone but he also feels sometimes he's part of the problem

when he's in his own gaming world, everything is background noise to him

if someone else does it to you, he works up the courage to comfort you and give you his best listening ear

Satan

he gets mad on your behalf and won't hesitate to correct everyone around you both

he refuses to let someone he cares so deeply for be treated like they don't exist

quick to snap and respond like a smartass but be so sweet to you in the same moment

wants to make you realize that you're not forgettable to him

Asmo

he liked you from the very beginning and disliked the way others let you blend into the background

the first time it happened, he politely cleared his throat and let you continue

the second time it happened, he was much less polite

refuses to let others respond dryly and ensures their conversation with you is genuine

Beel

has always been more on the quiet side and kept to himself so he didn't notice until you formed a real bond

if he notices someone mistreating you, he inserts himself into your conversation and forces the other person to be nicer

he wants to make sure that you know that he’s always paying attention to you, so his eyes are always on you

feels guilty even though it’s not something he can control so he often apologizes leading to many cute moments together

Belphie

has a 6th sense that activates when someone is pretending you’re not there and such

if he’s present, even if he’s asleep, he turns to them on a dime and stares them down until they realize what he wants. he will wait as long as he needs

if he’s not present, he’ll be paying them a visit in their sleep!

you notice his demeanor change when it happens, and he gets noticeable sweeter <3 expect gifts and kisses

[theoreticaltranstherian]

Jumping on the bandwagon woo-hoo

no spam reblog or spam comment ;P

For every 100 reblogs I'll drink another bottle of water

Update: Ive drank almost 2 whole water bottles in the last 3 days which isn't much proportionally but for one, I'd probably not even drink one if it wasn't for the internet critters in my phone telling me to and also, yk, thats alot of water compared to my last few weeks getting all my fluids from food

10 reblogs: Go to bed before midnight tonight

50 reblogs: I'll make my bed in the mornings for a week

Update: I found out that my bed being made kinda stresses me out for some reason, it's just so neat I get scared, and so instead I am putting away 3 pieces of clothing that have been clean for months and i just haven't touched every morning :D

75 reblogs: I'll work on getting accommodations for my autism at school

Update: I don't have the required "proof of diagnosis" and I'd have to wait 2 years or so to get it and I won't be in school anymore at that point, so I'm working with my counselors to see what they can do aside from official autism accommodations

125 reblogs: I'll work in upping my failing grade in math

Update: Math test retake on the 12tg, wish me luck!

150 reblogs: I'll work on my dopamine addiction and get help

Update: Hooooooly shit addictions are hard. I'm going to start a timer for time between uses of YouTube shorts or Instagram reels in an effort to reduce my need for instant gratification and try to replace every time I pick my phone up with drawing or reading or talking to people around me.

200 reblogs: I'll post my art that I've been self conscious about posting

Update: I am really happy for this, it's finally an excuse for me to make myself post my art :D it's probably gonna be 1-2 drawings per post with a little background with each :3

300k reblogs: I'll start cleaning up my room

400k reblogs: I'll clean out my bag (God pls don't get to 400 yall T T)

500: I'll get sharp objects out of my room

1k reblogs: I'll be really happy :0

Edit; Added more goals

2k reblogs: I'll start streaming on twitch again!!!

3k reblogs: I'll empty out my drafts

5k: I come out as trans to my parents (I don't know if they're transphobic so to speak, but they are of the mindset that "do whatever you want once you're out of our house but until then you are our kid" but I wanna be like um no actually-)

5.5k: I come out as trans to my non-transphobic grandma

6k: I come out as trans to my transphobic grandma

Edit 2; Yo same picture of the earth reblogged me?!? the picverse found this?!?! that's insane xd

Edit 4; I added some coming out goals because I'm not gonna do it if I don't have the pressure from hundreds of little things in my phone cheering me on xd

Pinging moots so there's at least a small chance of any of these happening xd

@calimewzz @annotated-catastrophe @glitched-out-dusk @life-is-okay-rn

[deadn30n]

psa about blog stuff

so, i've been considering some stuff about how i want to treat my blog going forward, and i want to put it all down so that people know what to expect out of me! i'm not bored of rp or anything like that, i just want to be a bit more organized and straightforward with how i handle everything. so!

this blog will permanently run on a queue. i know some people perceive that as lazy idk but for me it helps preserve my sanity. if that isn't your thing that's fine i'm not gonna force you stick around, but just know that even if replies are queue'd, it doesn't mean i'm less interested in our plots. sometimes i'll post / answer stuff in real time still, but at least for threads, it's easier on me if it's in a queue. also, since i'm putting more focus into streaming starting next week, it helps keep activity rolling on my blog even when i'm not able to be around due to said streaming or my irl job

asks are the best way to interact with me. i'm always open to asks and usually answer those the fastest. you can spam me with as many as you like i don't care, i love asks. also: if i ever answer an ask you want to turn into a thread, do it. i love it. seriously. if we write a lot together or talk a lot, you can expect i'll probably send frequent asks your way too ( with your permission ofc )

i probably won't post starter calls anymore. so yeah, again, asks are gonna be the best way to start things w/ me. i'll like starter calls from mutuals tho if i see them

i will be prioritizing pre-established / plotted stuff over all else. it's easier for me to respond to. ofc i'll still happily do spontaneous things, it just might not be as quick. if we talk a lot ooc or chat / plot frequently, it's likely i'll reply to our stuff quicker. i give pretty much the same kind of energy i receive :> but i'm also clinically insane so FDLAKJGHD

i will also be prioritizing shorter threads as well. i'm talking 4-5 small paragraphs or less. long stuff drains me a lot. i'm not saying i won't do longer things, but just know you will be waiting longer for responses to those. i'm sure that won't be a problem but yanno, just in case, it's important to be transparent about that stuff. i LOVE my 3k word threads but also it might take me 3 weeks to respond to it LMAO

if i write a specific character you're interested in, just tell me. likewise, if there's a ship of any kind you want, ( romantic, platonic, family, enemies, etc. ) you can say it. i'm not gonna bite you i promise. ♥ actually, doing that helps me gauge your interest and helps give me ideas for how we can interact

i might trim down my follower count. nothing personal, but if there's been little to no engagement on my posts then i'll take it as a lack of interest and probably sb. you're always free to refollow if i made a mistake! i've never really? had to hardblock anyone? except for a couple of weirdos, but those were far and few in between. if i decide to trim my following, i'll make a post to gauge interest for who wants to stay

i'm pretty much gonna keep writing when i feel like writing and not pressure myself so i don't get burnt out.

i think??????? that covers just about everything i wanted to say. i'm gonna make a few posts throughout the night that will help with building up this blog but ye that's about where i'm at rn. i'm mostly doing this since i'm planning to push myself back to semi-fulltime streaming ( 3-4 nights a week ) and i wanna keep my blog activity rolling as well as remain engaged with my writing partners :>

[shatcey]

The Boundary of Touch (Clavis)

I wanna express my endless gratitude to those who actually do real translations. It is extremely difficult work. On this event: @.otomehoneyybearr: Silvio @.caffedrine (summaries): Gilbert Rio

A little reminder. I don't know Japanese. The small fragments that I do translate (screenshots) are usually a very free interpretation. I use several translation apps, but I'm rarely happy with what they tell me, so… I'm playing with words to the point I'm happy with the result. The meaning is the same, but the accents can be completely different, and it can be quite difficult to recognize the "voice" of the characters. Usually, if I get really carried away, I mention it. This time… I read the event from the video, and it gave me screenshots that I needed to clean more than usual, and I don't really have much time. So I didn't add many screenshots. I tried to do as much as possible to make the story flows beautifully, but… time is killing me… It's been a long time since I've felt such pressure (I'm so excited!). And the funny thing is that the only person pushing me to do this as soon as possible is myself. Maybe Ally's right, and I'm an idiot.

Have fun reading. I tried to write as chaotic as possible. Clavis would be proud of me.

Belle is in an absolutely adorable replica of her previous bookstore. Adorable, because there are many hints of Clavis here… clay figurines and an absolutely charming owl with a book.

I guess she really needs these reminders so she doesn't forget who she's going to marry pretty soon.

So she's at the bookstore, the work is done, and puts books in their places. She keeps glancing at the door, but it's NOT because she was waiting for someone… Clavis is very busy, so of course he couldn't come. But she DEFINITELY wasn't expecting him.

She recalls that Clavis quite often starts to touch her or flirt with her in public places (in her store or on an empty street), but when she began to protest, he immediately retreated. Not that she wanted him to continue or anything… OF COURSE!

She thinks it's his gentlemanly side. She likes it and all, but…

So, they have a date the next day. Belle seized the moment and hugged Clavis by the hand (outrageous, people are watching!). When Belle looked at Clavis, "his smile was as bright as the sun itself".

Clavis assumes it's because she was lonely without him. He needs to catch up. He offers to hug on a walk. Belle replies that it will probably be difficult to walk while hugging. And isn't it normal to go on dates with your arms around each other? He pointedly pressed his hand to his chest.

Rio, is that you?

He said he was tempted, but his main goal was to make sure Belle had a good time. Belle thinks as expected it didn't work, so she needs to push him harder.

Clavis noted that Belle is so obsessed with him that she don't wanna let him go. Belle agrees and adds that she wanted to feel the warmth of his body. I don't think about anything else… Nothing at all… (nervous laugh)

And she even put her head on his shoulder. Normally she would be too embarrassed to do this, but this is the second step in her plan to charm him. Clavis is extremely happy. He brags to random strangers about how cute she is and that they should be jealous.

Clavis asked her to tell him more what she liked about him. She overcame her embarrassment and answered… He's cool, kind and reliable. Of course, this is not enough. He is full of sincerity, knows how to turn everything into a joke, but at the same time he is very serious. It's still not enough…

She even kissed him on the cheek. Damn, that was a low blow. Clavis was momentarily speechless. But he came to his senses pretty quickly, explaining that he was embarrassed when she so openly declared her love. I don't suppose it taught you anything…

She suddenly realized that she had kissed him while being watched, and of course she was embarrassed and ran away. Glancing back at Clavis, she noticed that he was in an exceptionally good mood. She thinks he's tougher than she expected. But it's too early to give up.

After they returned home and had tea, she proceeded to the next stage of her plan.

I should mention… There are clay figurines in this room as well. And a portrait of Emma. I wonder… didn't Clavis draw it himself? I wouldn't be surprised. He is very talented.

Belle changed her clothes and returned to Clavis. The sight of her new outfit left him speechless again… She spread her arms, showing off her dress, but it would be more correct to say exposed legs. The dress has a short skirt and she is nervous to wear it. She bought it a while ago because she thought Clavis would like it, but she didn't have the courage to put it on, so she hid it in the far corner of her closet.

Clavis was speechless for a moment and immediately began to praise her… dress. How it suits her, how it emphasizes her virtues. Clavis stood up and walked around Belle to get a better look. And added that she looks good from all sides. Belle tells him that he can touch her legs if he wants to. She's already desperate. She doesn't care what she looks like at this point. She needs to break his gentlemanly behavior!

Clavis noted that she wants to seduce him, but he just wants to enjoy the view.

It was a challenging thrase... So I'm not totally sure I got the meaning right.

Belle felt frustrated. She was on the verge of giving up. She decided she needed time to calm down and rethink her strategy. She excused herself and turned to leave the dining room, but Clavis stopped her.

He explains that he likes everything she does for him. But he doesn't understand why she suddenly decided to give up. He tells her that there's not much left, one, maybe two more pushes… She suddenly has an idea, and she asks if he maybe understand why she's acting like this? He confirmed it. Well, yes, he's smart, he's lived his whole life next to Chev and learned to read his intentions without words. How could you not know that? Fiancée…

So… he was deliberately teasing her… She said she didn't know him anymore and left the dining room. Clavis ran up to her, asking what happened. And she pretended to be offended to get a little revenge. Clavis starts to tell her about his new traps and the new recipes he has found… But Belle doesn't talk to him. He understands that the situation is dire, and tell her that she can do whatever she wants with him. And… still nothing.

Seeing that nothing is working, he asks her to at least look at him. He admits that he has gone too far. He was too carried away by her cute behavior.

Oh, poor Clavis… He's so desperate… Come on, girl, you have a heart, don't you?

Belle feels bad looking at him. She apologizes for pretending to be angry at him. Clavis covers his face with his hands and exhales deeply. Suddenly he said he surrendered, pick her up and went into the bedroom.

He laid her on the bed and told her that even though she thought she couldn't break his gentlemen's behavior, if he hadn't restrained himself, he would drop it (gentlemen's behavior) dozens of times. She was surprised. She was so close… But why is he holding back? He is afraid that if he stops behaving like a gentleman, it will become normal for him to do. And if that happens, it will be "the end of the world". Oh my… How overdramatic we are…

So she was right from the beginning. He held back for her sake. She was overwhelmed with love for him, and hugged him. She told him that it was okay, she would accept any Clavis, no matter if he was a gentleman or not. And he agreed to show her… what does he look like without gentleman's side…

I must say I really like this room! Stained glass windows (again) with an owl. (Again) Clay figurines. Really? Clavis, you don't know where you should stop. Absolutely charming pillows in the shape of hearts. I'm not trying to change the subject. Nothing like that… (coughing)

So… He was very slow to please her. Belle noted that he is usually with her (or, better to say, in her) at this time. He said he always wanted to do it that way and love her all day… But he holds back, knowing that after that she will need a lot of rest. Licht, is that you? I think these boys inherited more from their father than I initially thought.

She was overwhelmed with pleasure, but noticed that Clavis was still holding back. She believes that it is impossible to completely separate Clavis from his gentlemanly behavior. For him, love and gentlemanliness are inseparable. So the girl took the initiative and pushed him a little harder to lost control.

After.

She was lying on his chest, and he was stroking her hair. Suddenly, she remembered what she had been doing that day and felt embarrassed. She hid her face under the covers. Clavis laughs, he expected her to be embarrassed by now. But he wants to see her face. There is genuine joy in his voice, and she peeks out from under the covers

He tells her that yes, she tried very hard to get him to stop behaving like a gentleman, but everyday it almost breaks down. In the morning, when he wakes up and meets her eyes, it breaks. This is the "power of her cuteness". So he constantly controls himself. She knew that Clavis loved her, but he loved her hundreds, millions of times more than she could have imagined. You're being overdramatic as well. These two are perfect for each other.

She tells him that he can give up his gentlemanly behavior at any time and tell her how much he loves her. He replies that it will be another way to express his love. But he won't change his behavior. Because she loves him the way he is. A gentleman who loves pleasure.

Absolutely adorable. I laughed so much at this event. I'm very glad for a chance to read it. Thank you very much @.otomehoneybearr for sharing the video.

It was so like Belle to be controversial in the beginning. And it was really hilarious. But at first I couldn't understand why she would want to break his gentlemanly attitude in the first place. After probably the third reading, I realized why. Do not try to read in an unfamiliar language in the middle of the night, it is very unproductive.

The fact that she had this dress hints that she is really trying to act more boldly in front of him. But why is she still blushing? How long have they been dating? 2 years? I'm… sorry, guys, but it's very hard to believe. People get used to everything… It won't bother you as much as it used to. So… If it had happened right after they started dating, I would have believed it, but… not that much later… But it's cute. And that's probably why they can't stop showing Belle like this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🔝 𝕊𝕋𝔸ℝ𝕋 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼 🔝

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[chrispotatos]

forever - matt sturniolo

vampire!matt × human!reader

summary: your dad wants to meet your bf that you love so dearly thats also a vampire, the only problem is your dads a hunter.

a/n: the vampire traits i wrote for this is the same ones from vampire diaries.

warning: fluff, smut, p in v (unprotected), fingering, slight angst, reader gets turned into vampire

a/n: probably the longest thing i ever wrote (it's prob not that long and im just being extra)

my father wanted to meet the boy i stay out with so late, the one that never feels the need to come over and always invite me over to his house instead, the one i never shut up about. my boyfriend matt.

me and matt were on his bed laying in the dark room the only thing that kept it lit was the sun, that was now setting while it rained.

"my dad wants to meet you, you know?" i tell him picking my head up a little to see his reaction. "you mean kill me" he joked raising his brows at me

i scoff at his response and lay my head back down on his chest. "he won't kill you"

i didn't really believe myself, i mean my dad was a hunter and he hated vampires with a burning passion so i wouldn't really know.

"when does he wanna meet me?" a smile comes across my face as excitement coarsed through my body from his words. he was gonna actually be meeting my father

"any day will do but lets try friday" i squeal and move up to hug him and pepper kisses all over his face. "okay no" instead of laying on him like before i sit next to his laying figure (lowkey what it's serving but less dramatic)

i giggle tucking some hair that slipped into my face behind my ear to admire matts very much changed but perfect features. he definitely wasn't the same boy as before but who would really be the same after dying then coming back and having to deal with everything not only that but live for enternity.

"what's on your mind?" he asked placing a hand on my thigh, his thumb caressing it lightly "you actually" a smile coated my face at the truth "yeah?" his words came out as a low grumble.

he pulled my face in for a kiss with both his hands, he start placing kisses to my jaw leading down to my neck directly next to my pulse sucking on my skin. that was until i felt his fangs graze my flesh "matt" i said in a warning tone.

"m' sorry" he kissed my lips again the contact of his soft lips on mine, while making out matt helps my body straddle his laying one.

he waisyed no time to grab my hips and making me grind against his clothed dick, i could feel him getting harder underneath me making me smile against his lips.

"i need to feel you so bad" matt whined, breaking away from the kiss.

he pulls my shorts and panties down half way, just to have enough access to slip two of his fingers down to my pussy and slowly pushing his cold, slender fingers into me. the coldness of his fingers against my warm walls make me jolt my hips upward a bit; away from his fingers for a bit then letting him finish working his finger inside me.

he curled his fingers inside of me hitting a spot that made the knot in my stomach clench "holy fuck" i whimper out as he moves his fingers.

my eyes squeeze feeling his thumb adding pressure against my clit rubbing it in circular motion. "close- im close" i babble out.

i felt him remove his finger and i shoot my eyes open "i want you to ride me sweetheart" he sits up against the headboard pulling his pants and underwear down past his thighs.

i run my finger over his tip, a light gasp elicits from matts lips. he tries to move his hips up into my hand but my body straddling his restraints the actions "i don't wanna wait anymore" he complained

"ok, ok" i hover myself over the tip of his dick then sink down on it. i rock my hips back and forth a bit, my head rest on his shoulder; clenching a few times trying to adjust.

"there ya go" he praises bringing his hands to my hips encouraging movement. i rut my hips forward, now starting to bounce on his dick another groan coming from matt.

i bite my lips trying to contain the orgasm about to wash over me so suddenly. it doesn't take a while before his tip hits my g-spot making me move at a more rapid pace. "im gonna cum" i breath out going down one more time and realese all over him some of the warm liquid slipping out of me. i collapse leaning against him "fuck" i muttered.

i pull off of him and stroke his cock listening to his whimpers until he releases all over my hand, a smirk creeps on my lips when i see his jaw slacked and eyes screwed shut from the immense pleasure. his heaving breaths falling into low pants.

i grab his shirt that he took off, from the floor and clean him up "really my shirt?" i give him a glare and he shoots me one back.

i throw the shirt back to the floor done already. i put my clothes back on and so does matt, he changes the sheets and blankets to a different black set and we settle back into bed cuddling back into eachothers arms again.

"i love you" he spoke breaking the comfortable silence between us "love you more"

"really?"

"of course i do, i love you more than my whole being" i reassure him.

"would you mind loving me forever.." his words came out as a slight whisper when reaching the end of his sentence.

i sit up from my laying postion "what are trying to say?" my eyebrows knit in faux confusion trying not to crack a smile. i knew he probably wanted to turn me but i wanted to hear him say it.

"i want you to be a vampire with me but only if you want to" he said making immense eye contact with me "I'll think about it" i nod assuring myself and whatever of him that actually believed this was something hard to think on.

---

next day

it's a quiet afternoon, it was chilly so i made sure to wear a coat on the way to the sturniolos household.

i ran the rest of the way there when the sun started setting because it gets pretty eerie at night more than usual now that i know vampires are around here.

i knock on the front door and am met with nick, matts brother. "is matt home?" i question trying to catch my breath "yeah he's in his room" he stepped to the side letting me by.

there house was very nice, and it was larger than most of the ones in our neighborhood but also not that well lit i notice it's only candles lighting everything. i walk into matts room to see him sitting by his window, turning his head as i make my entrance.

"im ready." i admit fiddling with my fingers and avoidinghis gaze. he got up from his window sill with a small smile but it slowly faded "you sure?"

"yes" i nod along with my words "no y/n i mean are you sure you know what you're getting yourself into. are you sure you want this. are you sure you'll be able to love me for the rest of your life. are you sure?"

i take his words into consideration and im sure about all of it. he's my person i considered him my other half, when i found out he was a vampire it scared me but not for the right reasons i thought he wouldn't like me anymore. i thought i wouldn't be good enough for him anymore so it drew a line between us but with a few talks our bond was better and I'd quite literally do anything for him

he took a few breathers before i saw red veins under his eyes and his fangs come out. he pulled me closer to him by my arm and sunk his teeth into my flesh a small 'ow' followed up by some cries left my mouth.

matt punctured his wrist to draw blood and turned it towards me to drink "matt that disgusting" my face grimaced into a disguted expression. "you'll die if you don't"

i let out a complaing groan and drunk some of the blood that was coming from him, the metallic taste feeling my mouth. witha quick movement i was out.

i woke up, my neck aching in pain. i put my hand on the back of my neck rolling it a bit.

i look around and im still in matts room just no matt. speak of the devil. he walked right through his door with a glass of water.

not only my neck was in pain: but now my head, teeth/jaw, my eyes, and suddenly a growing appetite to eat.

"why do i feel like this" i pull my legs up to my chest, rubbing my temples. "you're gonna be okay" he reassures sitting on the bed and cradling me in his arms.

"nooo my teeth hurt- and my head" i whine letting a few tears slip the pain was excruciating. it felt like i was a newborn teething all over again, my head feels like someone knocked me with a mallet, and my vision was adjusting to too many things at once and i was hearing a bunch of conversations from miles away. "can you make it stop already" i covered my ears and started sobbing it was all too much for me.

my nose was running and tears were leaking from my eyes i was a complete mess. matt was there for me running his fingers through my hair giving me encouraging words that didn't help but he tried so thats what mattered.

after atleast 30 minutes it subsided and matt gave me the glass of water he had in his hands letting me take a few sip then putting it on the night stand and setting me down to rest.

"did you kill me?" i asked referring to when i was done drinking his blood and everything just went black. "unfortunately yes, i broke your neck"

it brought a smile to my lips, i would have laughed but didn't have enough energy for it. I rested my eyes to try and sleep while matt lightly scratched my back, lulling me to sleep.

---

it's been two days and now currently Friday i haven't been at my house for those days and im sure my dads worried sick he has called a few times but i ignored them all out of fear i didn't even wanna come home but i knew i had to at some point.

i was dressed in some jeans and a plain black top it was clothes that i left at Matt's house other times i spent nights over his house.

over the days i thought it would get better but it didn't get any easier. my eyes would flair with veins and get bloodshot at any smell of blood. everything else was pretty easy to control except for my raging hunger for anything but food only grew.

to feel my teeth sink tear into someone flesh breaking through tissue and muscle just to drain them of blood.

to hold it off i ate animals but it didn't make the cravings go away.

"lets go" matt held the door open for me, we both walked out to his car and drove over to my house.

"what if he finds out im a vampire and kill me too" my voice trembles in fear, i was in no position to be scared. he might spare me, i doubt it but i have hope. matt on the other hand will probably not get it easy especially since he was the one who turned me.

"you're still his kid" he reminded placing a comforing hand on my thigh. he had a point but he also didn't understand my dads absolute hate for vampires the reason being is because he thinks one killed his wife my mom.

my stomach turned it felt like it was doing back flips, if i was still human my heart would have been beating out of my chest, unfortunately im not even a living being anymore. all this thinking distracted me from our way to my dad's place, i looked out the window and here we were.

matt came around the car and pulled the car door open for me sticking his hand out to help me, i took his hand helping myself out the car and walked to my front door knocking a few times.

"oh y/n i was so worried" he brought me into a hug, holding me close pressing my head against his chest and giving my back little pats. if only he knew i was the thing he hated most.

"are you just gonna stand there" my dad asked matt, his arms no longer hugging me.

"matt come in quick it's freezing out there" i exclaimed playing it off.

he wasn't able to come in unless he was invited in and my father probably caught on a tad bit or didn't even notice, either way i think it was well played off.

"nice to meet you" matt stook his hand out for a handshake, my dad ignored it and walked to the kitchen. "dad really?"

"help me finish making dinner" bluntly dismissing my words "i will leave if you continue this, it's not fair to him or me and it's actually quite disrespectful" i called out.

"yeah because im gonna praise a boy who doesn't ever talk to me let alone know what i look like. i know he's the on you're always sneaking around with so it's disrespectful to me" he declared raising his voice in the slightest.

i look over to matt who's jaw is clenched, i don't know if he was anxious or mad maybe a bit of both

there was no point in fighting so i just start helping my dad peel the potatoes. "how do you want your steak?" he asked getting seasonings out for what he was cooking

i was pretty hungry for anything but food right now so the closest i could get to blood is a rare steak but for more subtly medium rare is what i choose

"i thought you hated your meat pink?" he asked unsure of my reasonable answer "well you grow and you learn" i shrug

matt was setting the table, in no rush whatsoever making sure everything looked perfect. meanwhile i was struggling to skin the potatoes.

the vegetable slips out of my hand when i tried cutting it. "lemme help" my dad took it from me making the same mistake but cutting his finger and drawing blood.

oh fuck. "are you okay" i didn't look at him i couldn't i saw some of his blood drip onto the cutting board and i hurried out of there to the bathroom, matt chased after me calling out my name.

"whats wrong?" he asked knocking against the door. but i didn't answer, i looked myself in the mirror and i looked like a monster. i was one but why did i have to be one that kills.

i calmed myself a bit taking breathers and splashing cold water on my face. i come out the bathroom being met with a worried matt. he hurridly pulled me in for a hug "you're okay" he strokes my hair and started rocking side to side as the hug was coming to an end. "lets go back"

we walked hand in hand back to the kitchen and my dad was sitting at the table with a wooden stake in his hand. my walking has come to a hault at the sight

"i want the truth. what's really going on" he questioned. there was thick tension in the air, the silence was deafening.

me and matt exchanged knowing looks

"we're- well I'm a vampire" matt spoke up breaking the quiet atmosphere.

my dads grip tightened on the wooden object "im one too" i add

he drops the sharpened wood and looks at me with tears in his eyes "you?" i nod slowly and his breath hitched.

he started to shake his head in denial "it was you huh?" he picked the stake up and pointed it at matt "you turned my daughter into this monster" he stood up getting closer to use both.

i stand infront of matt not that i could really cover him fully because of our height differences but it was enough blockage for his heart not to get stabbed. "dad i asked for it, he didn't necessarily want to but he offered it and i took him up on the offer."

he sighed looking down to his feet then back at me "why? do you hate me or something" for probably the first times in months the tear finally slipped from his eyes. there were many occasions when he was close to tears but never actually shed any

"this isn't about you dad. i want to be with matt forever and this was the only way" i explained, giving him a pleading look for understanding or atleast sympathy.

"do you love him" my dad muttered

"huh?" i couldn't hear him clear but im sure i could have made out what he said "do you love him?" he reiterated louder.

"more than my will to live" he nodded "leave" he walked to his liquor cabinet and got some of his expensive alcohol and poured him a glass "leave the house or I'll kill you both" he threatened.

"bye.." i said so close to a whisper even suprised if he heard me. matt places his hand on my lower back and guided me out the door. "this is my fault" a sob tore through my words and matt ushered me into the car and drove us both back home (his obvi) and took me to his room sitting me on his bed, he sat next to me trying to calm me down.

my cries have subsided but everything still felt like it was some how my fault. i have no more family all i have is matt and his brothers. theres nothing wrong with that, me and his brothers weren't on bad terms but not necessarily friends, we did talk though but i just love my dad

"could i ever be human again?" he gives me a tight lipped smile and shook his head. i couldn't help but cry all over again "you starting to regret it?" he asked pulling my grieving body into his "little bit" i admit

he pressed a kiss on my head "im sorry" he apologized. i consented to this and i don't want him to feel bad for turning me into a vampire because i wanted this just as much as him.

a/n: i feel like the endings rushed but I've been working on this all day :')

[honeytonedhottie]

the happy pill⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🧁

maintaining joy and building a lifestyle or habits that can sustain joy is important for mental health. even though circumstances may arise, im a firm believer that hope is possible and you can be happy.

POSITIVITY ;

if ur someone with a negative mindset in general and you wanna change it to a more positive mindset here are some ground rules..

let the little things slide - don't worry about the little things, dont stress over something that isn't worth stressing over. that includes letting the little things that you have done slide too. dont beat yourself up about something that you've done before. thinking "ugh why'd i do that" is useless. instead, flip that thought to "what can i do to improve if i find myself in that situation again".

surround urself with things that spark positivity - surround urself with things that u love and the things that make you smile. and enjoy the little things/tasks that u do. ROMANTICIZE.

giving out some -> reaping double - when u give out positivity. encouraging words, compliments, even a simple smile, you get that DOUBLED. it actually helps so much to be sweet to others and compliment others and its even sweeter for you bcuz it brings so much happiness.

TAKING YOUR POWER BACK ;

dont give anyone or anything the power to make you unhappy. ofc there are circumstances that are unique to everyone but in general dont let someone else's bitterness or negativity influence ur own happiness. protect your energy. bcuz you are responsible for making u happy.

REFLECT ;

have self identity audits every now and then to keep yourself in check. to make sure that ur following thru with ur goals or that ur balancing ur distractions properly. and also, reflect on whats constantly draining ur joy or what u are doing to drain ur joy. some things that can drain you include..

social media detox - although social media has lots of positives, we cannot ignore the negatives. social media provides a false sense of connection that we crave (cuz human beings are social creatures) so taking a break from social media every now and then a couple times a year rly improves ur mental health in the long run.

some things that can feed into ur joy can include..

gratitude - practicing gratitude without comparing your own achievements to someone else's. just being present and grateful for what u have.

laughter - learn to laugh and smile at things instead of getting worked up about it. laughing is such a mood booster.

literally ANYTHING, you know urself best and u know what makes you happy and what makes u smile so whatever it is that does that for you, DO that.

DO THINGS THAT ARE REFRESHING ;

doing things that are refreshing and replenish ur energy is a game changer for ur mental and emotional state and happiness. some refreshing things to do alone include..

watching the sunset/sunrise

meditation

journalling

practice self care

do something that u used to love doing

dance (it helps mentally too, taking u from rigid -> fluid)

DISTRACTIONS ;

when your constantly striving for perfection and you put all this pressure on urself, you'll end up growing into a bitter person, and thats not hot. so allow yourself to have distractions and have experiences and try new things bcuz thats what life is about.

however go about this with DISCERNMENT. allow yourself to have distractions that aren't harmful to you or others. an example of an unhealthy or harmful distraction is drinking. you can enjoy those things but enjoy them SAFELY. dont be too uptight with yourself and LET YOURSELF LIVE. but in that same breath protect yourself and get rid of whats taking away from ur happiness.

[dr-spectre]

WE DID IT!!!!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!!!!! This is such a big milestone. Halfway until 1000 followers... that's absolutely insane!!

This will be the last follower update until we reach 1000. But, I wanna share something special with you all and get rather personal...

So, about a year ago, I wanted to learn how to draw because I was feeling depressed about "not being productive enough." Basically I got sucked into the bullshit productivity self help stuff that wants to turn your life into a cold calculated work obsessed nightmare, rather than living in the moment due to fear mongering about the future and how "if you don't grind now you WILL be a failure and die alone and get no pussy." (No wonder I picked Team Present for the Grand Fest...)

Plus I dropped out of uni at the time and welp, to put it lightly, I was feeling fucking god awful and I was scared into basically "putting in the hard work" by all these self help channels and other bullshit online. Whatever the FUCK that vague shit means, my autistic brain still doesn't get it.

It was BY FAR the worst period of my life, but, at least I tried to do SOMETHING. And I wanna show you all some of the things that I drew last year....

This was between October 2023 to February 2024. I stopped drawing due to it causing me much frustration and anger.

So yeah! Uh... enjoy?

So.... not the best work you've seen, right? HAHAHAHAHA!

Would you freak out if I told you that I got upset and damaged a book and a fan because I got so mad at myself over not being able to draw or do anything right?...

I feel like this ain't for me, and you know what? That's okay! I've learnt that it's okay to try new things, it's okay to experiment and if shit doesn't work then it doesn't work. Plain and simple. It's perfectly fine to give up and try something else.

You are not a robot, you are a human being. Don't feel like you "gotta do something everyday otherwise you'll die alone and you'll be broke and you'll never be successful and you'll be forgotten!!"

Do feel pressured to feel like you have to "find your thing" or "be productive" or whatever kind of... heh.... BRAINWASHING you hear online.

I wanted to draw because I was jealous of others, including my friends who are skilled artists... and I did it for the wrong reasons which is why I stopped in February.

I am very happy that I've decided to actually focus on what i like doing and what gives me energy. A quote that has stuck with me for years now is a quote by Jordan Peele from an interview, and it's basically this-

"Follow the fun." And you know what? He's right. Following what gives you that good good boost of dopamine while also feeling like you're accomplishing something is one of the best feelings EVER!!!! Whether it's art, writing, modelling, sculpting, architecture, making music, acting, clay sculptures, etc. FOLLOW THE FUN!! FOLLOW THE SHIT THAT EXCITES YOU!!! I literally always have multiple projects spiralling around in my head all the time and cycling between them at every given moment.

I'm not even saying do only what makes you comfortable or be lazy either, do shit that makes you go "BRING IT ON!!!! I WANNA DO THIS!!!" Get that blood pumping!!! Challenge yourself fairly!!!! There's healthy and unhealthy stress. Healthy stress should make you feel like a fucking PREDATOR!!! AN ANIMAL ON THE HUNT!!! While unhealthy stress makes you feels like you're the prey, the one who's being chased by an unknown force that's out to get you!!

I feel like I'm kinda rambling... anyways!!! ENOUGH WITH THE INSPIRATIONAL BULLSHIT!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! 99% of you have been awesome and incredible!!!

It's also been an honor to get to know so many people who feel the same way as I do about a certain squid lady and her best friends.... before I went onto tumblr I genuinely felt so alone and so insane. I felt isolated, I felt like no one saw these characters the way that I do... I thought my perspective of a certain squid lady and her rebel phase was invalided and false... But now I know that I have people who have my back and understand what I'm trying to express...

One final time, thank you. I'll keep going.

STAY FRESH!!!!!!!!!!

[shouldhavestayedawayfromhere]

How to plan out Rituals (step-by-step guide)

Until a while ago, I still had to attend church every Sunday. Ever since I've stopped doing that, I use that time to develop my own regular practice. And I do a ritual while most of my family is out the house.

So here's a step-by-step guide one how I set up and execute my rituals, and I'm gonna try and make it look less intimidating to people with low motivation, executive dysfunction, or other similar issues (shoutout to my neurodivergent witches).

Ritual purpose

Sometimes I brainstorm what I want the ritual to be about they day before. That takes off some pressure from coming up with something on the spot. I used to have no ideas what to even do rituals for, but once I got the hang of it, it came to me pretty easily.

Sometimes you will know exactly what to make a ritual for. Xy has been causing you stress, or a person in your life has been on your mind a lot, or there's a situation you want some guidance with. If not, it can be helpful to have a list somewhere in your notes with some general things you want to work on. Dreams, goals, or even character flaws that you could tackle with the help of a deity.

It also helps me to do my rituals at the exact same time every week. It gets me in the mindset. These days I just wake up on Sunday's and think "oh, it's witchy time!"

Ingredients & Tools

Now that we know what our ritual will be about, it's time to think about what you're gonna need. Everyone uses very different tools, so I'll put down a general list of things you might need.

What deities will you invoke?

Their sigils/enns/symbols to use

What objects do you need? (This can be anything from rocks, crystals, a marter, to amulets, candles, pens and paper)

What herbs will you use, if any?

Once you got that, decide where to do the ritual, in case you don't already have a set spot or altar for this purpose.

I can also recommend always having at least one divination tool with you during ritual. Maybe a tarot deck, or a different one if you/your deities prefer it. For me, ritual is always a time where I have really good conversations with me deities.

Outlining the Ritual Body

Now, we know what we want and what we need. The next step is to plan out the ritual body. If you're already very experienced and have been holding rituals for years, you may not need to do that. But this is pretty much a beginner's guide, so we will take small steps.

During the ritual body, you do the actual ritual. Whatever you wanna do. It could be praying, singing, dancing, cooking, crafting, making herbal mixes, spells, amulets, curses, and so on. It's 100% up to you.

I recommend writing down the steps one by one in the beginning, so you can look at it during your ritual execution and know what to do next. As you do more rituals, you will find yourself swaying from your plans more and more, and that is okay and natural. It's only supposed to be a guide. If the ritual suddenly takes an unexpected turn, just go with what feels right.

Here's a short example for a ritual body from myself:

Invoke ritual circle & deity

Meditate until I feel grounded

Write out my worries and questions I have

Go through them one by one with the help of divination

Make a conclusion with my deity

Write prayer to deity, thanking them

Give offerings

Burn sigil of deity

Thank & dismiss deities & circle

Now this is a pretty simple one, but I hope you kind of get the concept.

Setting up the Ritual Space

So we know what we want and need and how we're gonna do it, step by step. Now it's time to gather everything we need and set up your ritual space.

I'm usually in front of my altar with a pillow to sit on. I dust off my altar a little and put all the herbs and objects I need around me on the floor. Then I also bring my book of shadows which has all the necessary invocations in it and my ritual notebook, where I planned out my ritual.

You can also do a pre-ritual routine, if you have one. For example taking a bath or a shower with your favorite (cleansing) herbs. If you don't have the time or energy for that, do some simple cleansing. Smoke, sound, crystals, whatever you like. For very low energy days, I sometimes just eat a corn of salt. It cleanses and it's simple, and not overstimulating to any of my senses.

Ritual Execution

Now, we are truly ready to do the ritual! Sit down, take a deep breath, light some candles. Maybe darken the room if you want. Put on some music (any music that helps you get in the mindset of the kind of ritual you're about to do). Take a moment to gather your thoughts and start your ritual.

Ritual Follow-up

Once you are done with this, it's time for ritual a ritual follow-up. This will not be necessary every single time, do this as you feel you need it. The energy can spike pretty high during a ritual, which can lead to spell-drop or other symptoms.

You can either do an elemental balancing or a different type of grounding. This is for when you used a lot of energy, or got very emotional. It might throw your balance off and you could literally end up sick if it's really bad (happened to me before).

If you feel alright mentally, physically, and emotionally, and you don't feel like you need a balancing or grounding, you can also just take a moment to sit down and reflect on your ritual. Write down any thoughts that come to mind. What was good, what was not, what worked or what didn't, how did you feel, what would you change, etc.

Conclusion

Congratulations, you made it! You have now mastered your ritual! Let's make a conclusion of all the steps:

Brainstorm the purpose of your ritual

Decide what ingredients to use

Plan out the ritual body

Prepare ritual space

Ritual execution

Ritual follow-up

That's all! I hope this inspires some people, feel free to share your own opinion/thoughts on this or ask questions :)

[mypoptartburnt]

I have to restrain myself so the worms can breed and so I don't clog your asks! Something I've been thinking about for a while though is the idea of his darling being insecure or even jealous of Suguru. Suguru decides to join you in one of your hobbies and you're discontent because he's naturally talented with it. Even worse considering he isn't really even trying and isn't practicing meanwhile its what you do for most of your day. You also don't wanna tell him because its so stupid and you don't want him to NOT participate with you. Or maybe you're upset of his appearance. Like how fit he is, his great skin, his beautiful hair, etc. Then when he realizes what you're jealous of? Instantly doing stuff to make you feel better. You think his hair looks better? He'll skip a few steps in his routine so it looks more dull while increasing yours. You're jealous of his skin? He'll intentionally give himself a bit of acne, while bettering your skin care routine. -🫧 Anon

NO BECAUSE HE WOULD SO DO THIS!

he would absolutely sabotage himself to make you feel better. is it a little toxic? a bit whether it’s intentional or not but he doesn’t care. he prioritizes your feelings above all else.

there is SOOO much reassurance, he’ll teach you all of his tips and tricks to help you get even better at your favorite hobbies. he loves being the mama duck teaching his little baby ducking! he’s just soo gentle and patient with his approach, if you start to get frustrated he’ll call a break and he’ll just cuddle you for the rest of the day until you forget about what you were upset about in the first place LMAOO

as for the hair and skin care thing i think he would actually grow to enjoy having some imperfections such as acne and maybe some split ends. hear me out here but he’s been pressured to be perfect all his life, maybe not so much physical appearance wise but he’s been trained to be a servant and a perfect selfless hero to the people without one thing in return. over time i think he’d give himself these flaws not only to make yourself feel better but also to take some of that power back for himself. to allow himself to be imperfect and flawed unapologetically.

this would invoke many conversations if him telling you that you don’t wanna be perfect, he’s been perceived as that for so long and it was absolute hell, and he would rather fall into a pit of acid than to have you go through the same thing. overtime instead of perfecting your skin care he would start pointing out how much he loves all your imperfections. they are what makes you yourself and he wouldn’t have it any other way :))

[pellowinksx]

hi love thank u for sharing so much with us 💕 ur blog is so pretty and feels like safety when my mind is trying to be a mess

i was wondering if u had any advice for appearance changes regarding face, body, height, weight, everything when i can’t decide on what i want / i want to be everything whenever i want like i wanna change my face daily!! it’s my face i should have that power but im also deeply insecure and hyper aware of my appearance 24/7 that sometimes i wanna wear a bag over my head.. also tw for eating disorder but if ur comfortable and have any experience i also wanna manifest away my ed but also get my dream body and weight at the same time! im sorry this is a messy post but if u have any suggestions or tips id love any of them and if not pls dont feel any pressure to answer this!! i just appreciate the information u given us and i try my best to apply it to my situation 💕

Hello!! I love you so much for this, thank you for being open and vulnerable asking this <3 That was strong of you. But first let me give you some comforting words; you are so strong, really. thank you for asking me this and seeking help in wanting to better yourself. There is nothing wrong with you, at all. I myself have also struggled with eating habits in the past, and let me tell you, it is not impossible to manifest it away. You are so beautiful, I don't care if I've never seen you before. But just by the way you put this ask and thanked me for my blog kind of touched my heart! Your life experiences do not define you, and neither do your looks. You are your own beautifully crafted human being, inside and out. Whether you see it or not. You have your very own personality, your very own things you enjoy, And you still choose to be here every single day. Thank yourself for getting up in the morning, thank yourself for showering, brushing your teeth, or even doing small things to your face like putting on lip gloss or mascara. (not like you need makeup but more as in you're enhancing your appearance) Even if you don't feel pretty, or even if you insult yourself everyday. you arent your eating disorder, and you are much more then that. You can get through this

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How to manifest your ED away and have full control over your appearance.

(note! This may take a little while, maybe a week. to fully saturate your true power and your self-concept)

parte 1 (working on your self-concept) 1. Acknowledge that it is entirely possible to do. I don't even mean some "just decide" bullshit. I mean actually telling yourself "this is possible, I am powerful, I can do it" 2. be kind to yourself and No. I don't mean "oh you shouldn't do that stuff :(" I mean give yourself loving affirmations from time to time “i’m safe in my body.” "my body is healthy" "I love myself" "my body protects me" (note! you can choose any affirmation(s) you want from this, you don't necessarily need to say all of them) Try smiling at yourself in the mirror! 3. more affirmations you can pick to choose from! “I am secure in myself, even on hard days.” “I no longer believe the old lies about myself.” “I always feel calm, confident, and at ease.” “I allow myself to exist without judgment.” “I am always enough — just as I am.” "I have an amazing self-concept" "my self concept is out the roof" or you can use one umbrella affirmation "I am confident" parte 2 (manifesting your ED away) some affirmations you can use “I am naturally healed.” “Food is just food. It doesn’t control me anymore.” “I trust my body and my body trusts me.” “I have the perfect relationship with food and my body.” “I feel free around food. It’s just neutral to me now.” “I’m at peace with my weight, my body, and myself.” or you can use one umbrella affirmation "I have a healthy relationship with food" and you can repeat that whenever you'd like! Try visualizing yourself eating normally and never counting calories or obsessing over the scale. if you find yourself returning to your old habits, remind yourself that you are not a slave to your senses. so whatever you see or feel yourself doing is still a part of the 3d and don't worry it WILL change. parte 3 (manifesting your ideal appearance) Now its okay to feel like you don't know what you want, that's totally okay but your MIND knows what you want. You can just use one or two umbrella affs for this and not be specific "I have my desired appearance" and "I have complete control of my appearance" parte 4 (basics of the law) Whatever you see or feel will not manifest; only your dominant thoughts will. ALWAYS persist. No matter if you feel extra insecure today, or if someone insults your appearance, just tell yourself "I already have it" in a kind, comforting way, in a gentle voice (in your mind). Don't look back. If you ever notice doubts or anything, just return back to your affirmations. Or tell yourself, "that's not me anymore." If you ever start freaking out, or having any mental breakdowns or anything. Feel free to cry it out, just remind yourself, "it will change." Don't dwell in the mirror. I know this might be hard because of your insecurities. But try to limit time in the mirror and just keep affirming your desired appearance If you want to manifest this all at once instead of just slowly working on yourself you can write in a list that you have healthy eating habits and that you have your desired appearance. OR you can affirm "I have no ED and I have my desired appearance" I love you sm anon, I would also love for you to reach out again. You'll get through this!

[yanderemommabean]

You have no idea when I saw your status change from 2 months to 6 hours ago. I audibly gasped!! I'm so so sooo glad you're doing okay and out of that awful situation, as someone who did the exact same thing at 16, it's really hard at first, getting things sorted out and moving out for the first time is definitely stressful, but as you said it will feel like home once the dust settles. Also is there any way we could send money your way to help out? Best wishes momma!!!

I'm happy to try and be back! I'm feeling myself out more, I've come to find that some stuff that used to squick me doesn't so much anymore, and I've come to feel like I'm allowed to rest without guilt, allowed to eat without being berated, and so on! Sammy's vet bill is my main concern, but Im thinking of opening coms again soon after I get some things figured out on how I wanna go about it and how I wanna change some stuff up! I'll link my Ko-fi here and on my pinned message for peeps who are curious on where to donate and such if you want! But don't feel pressured!

ko-fi.com/mommabean Im currently looking for pharmacy tech jobs, as I graduated a training school recently while sickly but still managed! I just dont have the PTCB yet, but I know I can apply for a certificate and work for about two years (or less? Ill re-look into it, things get messed up) before having to reapply and what not. (again, could be COMPLETELY off but the jist is im job hunting lol) No ones called back yet and while im hopeful, I also know how the job market is more of a dead internet thing at this point. Sorry for the ramble! Im just happy to talk and what not!

I hope you have a wonderful day bean <3 you're very sweet!

-Mommabean